the inner to the outer realms.
It’s meant to be an organic movement,
just like we can see in this purple flower.
An unfolding. A flowering. A blossoming.
Let’s see how the flow looks like in
its uninterrupted state:
Your inner voices are the seeds.
Inner listening waters those seeds,
which will grow them into the flowers –
your natural & beautiful outer voices.
It’s clear that a flower can’t be pushed.
So instead of teaching you how to “mould
your outer voice” as most marketing
does, I will show you how to
“un-mould” (liberate!) your
outer voice.
A voice can only be freed
when it becomes crystal clear
where the voice has become un-free,
so that’s what we’ll be exploring first.
Voice Conditioning
Want to have a
powerful outer voice?
It’s 10% about communication skills.
And 90% about releasing the conditioning
that blocks the magical free flow of your voice.
Why most outer voices
are conditioned
Our “outer” voices are
based on our inner voices.
And since most of us have a strained
relationship with our inner voices,
you can see a reflection of that in
the way we express ourselves.
When you stop changing yourself
When you try to make your outer voice
more powerful, influential & magnetic,
you’re often merely adding another
lamp shade over the lampshade
(outer voice) you already have.
or trying to coax a flower, in
the metaphor from today’s code
Trying to change and improve
your outer voice generally
ends up in covering your
voice with a layer of
extra conditioning
It’s a bit like adding a shade over
the exterior of a chandelier (or adding
an extra lamp shade over the existing one),
thereby mostly hiding the chandelier (our
natural external communication) and
the lights themselves.
(and we can totally disagree here,
but I’ve never understood these things 🙂
As long as the light bulbs
(our inner communication)
aren’t properly working, that bold
and ‘powerful’ bonus lampshade isn’t going
to give you a truly empowered & magnetic voice.
What if we stop trying to
mould our voices in a certain
shape, and start discovering
‘who’ our voices are and
what blocked them
instead?
⦁
What are the main ways in which
our voices can get blocked
and conditioned?
The 4 different
conditioned voices
the Pleasing voice
adjusts their expression
to be heard
the Amplified voice
hardens their expression
to be heard
the Muted voice
mutes their expression
out of fear to be seen
the Busy voice
keeps speaking & doing in
the hopes of being valued
Here’s how they relate to each other:
horizontally: the relationship axis
vertically: the being-doing axis
Important notes
ળ We all carry all these voices inside of us
ળ The question is: which ones dominate?
ળ We’ll often combine one (dominant)
voice from the relationship axis with
one (dominant) voice from the
being-doing axis
Let’s look into them ♡
This voice is so focused
on how others receive her that
she forgets what she is all about herself.
“How can I make the other hear me
without them rejecting me?”
The big wish of this voice
is to always “say the right thing”.
Their first focus after having spoken
isn’t how she feels about it herself,
but how it will land for the other.
⦁
your key
The biggest key here is
to slowly start moving the focus
away from others and back to yourself.
Focusing on your most repressed inner
voices – often the powerful and angry ones
– can help to build your confidence and
your ability to let your wildest
voices sound.
Prioritize how you feel
about the things you are sharing
helpful concepts to explore
CODEPENDENCE & FAWNING
This voice has become so
(semi) confident & strong that it has become
hard for others to truly hear and feel them.
“I have important things to say –
if others would just listen to me”
The big wish of this voice
is to be seen in their specialness.
They have no trouble speaking up,
but they can struggle with
reaching the other.
⦁
your key
The biggest key is to
connect with your vulnerability.
Listening to your audience & their needs
and also to your own vulnerable parts
can help to bring more compassion
& softness into your voice.
Golden questions for you:
“Is my voice like a wall?”
“How could it be a window?”
“Is my heart connected to what I say?”
helpful concepts to explore
NARCISSISM & FIGHT RESPONSE
The issue here
isn’t about communication.
It’s about emotions and safety.
“Speaking up is dangerous”
It’s not the lack of
communication skill that blocks you,
but the lack of trust in what will happen
when you release your expression.
⦁
your key
Trust and feeling safe
are muscles that you can
slowly grow by practicing them.
Take small steps in exposing your voice,
and prioritize “learning to feel safe”
over generating any results.
Magic arises when you are
able to honor the fearful part
in you and listen to it. This will
prevent the anxious part to take you
over completely and create space for you
to start taking small steps toward visibility.
helpful concepts to explore
DISSOCIATION & FREEZE RESPONSE
PS It’s often the people
with muted voices who carry the
most powerful voices of all
This voice is a bit like a scared
wild horse on the run – there’s a lot of
movement & words, but little inner direction.
The ‘off button’ is hard to find, and it expresses
itself in excessive doing, thinking, or speaking.
“I can’t stop and pause, I need to
be productive because when I
just ‘am’ – I’m not enough”
The big wish of this voice
is to reach a place of perfection so
that nobody can critique them and people
will value them. “If I let my voice work hard
enough, I’ll get there at some point”.
⦁
your key
The biggest key
for you is pausing to reflect.
Also, moving from a strong focus on
external achievement towards a focus
on internal results can have a
deep transformational
effect on you.
Bringing more pauses into
your speaking can be powerful.
What if you wait 10 seconds before you
start speaking and feel the energy of what
you’re about to say: is there a restlessness
or pressure behind it? If yes, experiment
with not saying that thing and holding
space for what it brings up in you.
Also: what actions would you
take if you’d have all the time in
the world and if your desired results
were already in the pocket?
helpful concepts to explore
COMPULSIVITY & FLIGHT RESPONSE
ળ
Voice
Liberation
Going from the outside in
Liberation starts on the inside,
but there’s one problem: it’s very
hard to objectively perceive our inner
world. So how do we know what the gifts
(and conditioning) are of our inner voices?
the good news is that there’s a mirror we
can look into: the mirror of our outer voices
They’re much easier to perceive! And they
point with exact precision where our inner
voices have been constrained.
The wound contains
your marketing gift
Wounding isn’t comfortable,
but it’s one of the quickest and most
effective ‘training programs’ we have here
on earth. It brings all of our attention to one
area and gives us the motivation to research
this area intensely – so that we can be freed
from the pain it brings up for us. What
does this mean for our marketing?
Your conditioned voices can
show you your biggest
marketing gifts.
Successful
marketing isn’t
about changing
your voice.
It’s about discovering
where your voice has been
changed by conditioning and next,
slowly melting that conditioning with
the light of your awareness
and
about learning to recognize
the immense beauty and
gifts of the voice you
already have.
The liberated voices
A liberated voice is
b e a u t i f u l
p o w e r f u l
and magnetic as heck.
It cannot be
p u s h e d
e m u l a t e d
or tricked into coming out.
The one powerful thing we can do
-next to slowly releasing our conditioning-
is starting to recognize and celebrate
the moments – big or small – that
our voices flow out freely.
Here’s how the conditioned
voices look like once they’re
liberated from the task of protecting you:
Your voice medicine
Your voice medicine is twofold:
ONE – Realizing and acknowledging
that your conditioned voice contains a
gem. It’s not about “doing away” with the
conditioned voice, but about slightly dialing
back its intensity. Too much of a good
thing becomes a bad thing.
The gems your conditioned
voices carry within them:
amplified voice → the assertive voice
pleasing voice → the attuned voice
muted voice → the aware voice
busy voice → the alive voice
TWO – Learning to balance out
your conditioned voice(s) with some
medicine from the opposite voice – the
liberated version. That opposite side
contains some crucial keys for you.
the amplified voice → learn about attunement
the pleasing voice → learn about assertiveness
the muted voice → learn about aliveness
the busy voice → learn about awareness/presence
Invitation
for those of you who
now think: but how can I ‘fix’
my voice to get to this free place?
I’m inviting you to sit with this code and
to see how it feels if you approach your voice
from a place of respect and compassion.
Instead of ‘demanding’ your voice to
be in a certain way, you might
ask what your voice
needs from you
♡
This was a fat code.
Take all the time you need
to integrate it ☾
Liefs, Ayla
ળ
……………………..
code key (3)
Our external voices are mirrors
that can help us peek into the most hidden parts
of our inner communication world.
They don’t need to be
changed. Only seen.
……………………..